Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the best race in...oh, bollocks! All your toilet humour favourites including Biffa Bacon, Johnyy Fartpants, Buster Gonad & The Fat Slags! Shurrup! or I'll wet me knickers! You'll never play a bigger load of crap! INTRODUCTION The first issue of Viz magazine appeared on the streets of Newcastle in 1979, its print run a mere 150 copies. Who'd have thought that eleven years later at the end of a decade of phenomenal success, Viz would enu up tring to flog a mediocre computer game in a desperate bid to male a few extra bob. Viz has been labelled the publishing success story of the century. From its humble roots the magazine has grown to become Britain's fourth best selling periodical, with sales of each issue well in excess of 1.100.000 copies. It's characters have become household names. Johnny Fartpants has pumped himself into the annals of comic book history. Buster Gonad's testicles have been preserved in a pickle jar or posterity. Billy the Fish and his Fulchester United team mates have pulled record-breaking TV audiences in their own Channel 4 series. And Roger Mellie has said "Bollocks" over and over again. Best selling Viz titles such as 'The Spunky Parts' and 'The Dog's Bollocks' have stormed the book chart. And with growing sales of T-shirts, boxer shorts, alarm clocks, calenders, post cards and various other rubbish, Viz has become a multi- million pound industry in its own right. But for the four full-time creators of Viz, Chris and Simon Donald, Graham Dury and Simon Thorp, the story still seemed incomplete. There was something missing. It was as if one great mountain remained unconquered. One precious jewel was missing from their crown. But now that missing gem has been put into place, and the picture is finally complete. And this is it. A computer game of breathtaking mediocrity. If you like computer games, you'll LOVE this one. Because it's just like all the rest. So lock yourslef in your bedroom, plug into your computer, and shove this poxy little cassette or whatever you call it in the hole. Your glasses will steam up with excitement as all your favourite Viz characters scurry forth across the screen. Your square eyes will boggle in amazement as these razor sharp images spring to life as you have never seen them before. But seriously, computers are all well and good, but have you never considered taking up some kind of healthy outdoor pursuit? Something like football or cycling... LOADING INSTRUCTIONS First of all, take your flopping thing, disc or tape or cassette or CD or whatever you call it out of the box, and insert it in your computer. C64/C128 TAPE: Hold down the SHIFT key and press the RUN/STOP key. Press play on the tape unit. Program will load and run C64/C128 DISC: Insert disc in drive. Type LOAD"*",8,1 and press RETURN. THE GAME Through the magic of micro cheip technology you are about to be whisked from your dull, drab bedroom to the twon of Fulchester to take part in a spectacular race between Viz favourites, Johnny Fartpants, Buster Gonad and Biffa Bacon. Others to look out for will include the Fat Slags, Mrs Brady, The Parkie, Spoilt Bastard, Aldridge Prior, Bertie Blunt, Finbarr Saunders and Sid the sexist. The race will of course be covered by FTV's own Roger Mellie. The game begins in the changing room where you choose your characeter using the joystick. Press 'FIRE' to select the character of your choice. The race takes place over five sections, Country, Town, Building Site, Beach and Disco. The object is to win all five sections. Should you lose one, you have to do it again. If your character falls over, off a cliff, or off the screen, he must wait for a short while before returning to the race. For every fall he receives a shame token. Three of these and he's out of the game. Lane discipline will be maintained by referee, Rodney Rix, who will throw bricks at anyone leaving their lane. Each of the three characters has his own special powers to help him complete the course, each contestant has two bonus levels on which they can gain tokens for use later. JOHNNY FARTPANTS Probably the most notorious Viz character of all, Johnny owes his success to a windy bottom. Indeed his pumping pranks have become legend, while his underpants have become brown and dirty. Anyway, with this diet of pickled eggs, Johnny will try to win the race using chuff power. Hold down 'FIRE' button for about one second, release, and press again to unleash Johnny's Super Power - a massive curry-induced 'Mega Pump'. Press 'FIRE' once and Johnny releases a bottom burp which propels him forwards, and over obstacles. FIRST BONUS LEVEL Waggle your joystick and Johnny will use his special anal inflation technique to blow up balloons. (But don't over-fart it, or the balloon - and your bonus - will blow away) SECOND BONUS LEVEL By waggling the joystick, Johnny is pump-propelled up the special farting scale winning tokens as he goes. BUSTER GONAD Regular readers of Viz will have guessed how Buster progresses through the game. He uses Plum Power, bouncing along astride his massive nuts. Press 'FIRE' and exchange a token for one Buster Ball Bounce. Or use Buster's special powers - hold down the 'FIRE' button for about a second, release it and press it again and Buster carts his bollocks along in a wheelbarrow for extra speed. FIRST BONUS LEVEL Buster gains power tokens by Pancake Flattening, using his bulbous balls to flatten lumps of dough produced by a pancake machine. Just wiggle the joystick and Buster drops hs plums (but make sure the pancake is flat, or it doesn't count). SECOND BONUS LEVEL Wiggle the joystick and Buster bounces higher and higher. The higher he goes, the more his scrotes ache, but the more tokens you gain. BIFFA BACON Biffa's abbrasive no-nonense style makes him a favourite to win the race. Indeed, his face-punching, teeth-kicking antics have established young Biffa as a firm favourite among less intelligent Viz readers. Biffa bashes his wau through the many obstacles using punch power. Press 'FIRE' and Biffa exchanges power tokens fur bunches of five, walloping all and sundry out of the way. For special power hold down the 'FIRE' button for about one second, release and press it again and Biffa becomes convinced that someone has SPILLED HIS PINT! Needless to say he immediately goes into an uncontrolled fighting frenzy. FIRST BONUS LEVEL 'Pint Drinking' is the means by which Biffa accumulates his power. Wiggle the joystick and Biffa will drink a pint. SECOND BONUS LEVEL Bricks rain down on Biffa. Move the joystick up to BUTT them, right to PUNCH them or down to KICK them, thus obtaining tokens.