Now this is my cup of brown water with flakes drifting round the bottom! A decent racing game. Not only that, it's a decent two-player racing game. With a split screen and everything! How can it fail to stir you!

The idea is to race a vastly expensive Lotus round some bendy circuits, beating loads of supposedly famous people in other Lotuses. It's all in 3D, and the sprites are huger than Pavarotti's bathroom. Not only does it look exceptionally good, but it's as fast as a royal on the M4.

The better you do, the further you start from the front of the grid, which is a bit annoying, but once you set up the car's gears and handling, you should be able to win the first couple of races with practice.

I couldn't, but then I was trying to keep the fuel consumption down (it all costs money, you know, and someone has to pay).

The two-player selection has a split screen, with both humans watching with glee as they race past each other. It's classic fun, and if you can beat them, you'll feel good for the rest of the day (like I did when I beat Barry, my second best mate, who's got the fastest Scalextric set this side of High Wycombe, remember).

Yes. I'm quite prepared to give Lotus a Corker. I don't care what you think. I think it well deserves one. Hooray for British sportscars! (Well, the ones that are left).