Loading the Game When the opening ceremonies and credits are over, you'll see NUMBER OF PLAYERS and the value 1. Push the joystick up to increase the number of players, pull it back to decrease the number. You can have up to six players. Press the joystick button to move on. During the game, you'll need to swap disks. Here's what each disk contains: Disk 1 = Boot disk; Disk 2 = Events: Mate Toss, Dino Race; Disk 3 = Events: Fire Making, Clubbing, Saber Race; and Disk 4 = Event: Dino Vault. NOTE: You'll make most of your selections in the game using joystick 1 (the one that's plugged in port 2). Choosing an Athlete To choose your athlete, odd numbered players -- 1, 3, 5 -- will use joystick 1 (in port 2) and even numbered players -- 2, 4, 6 -- use joystick 2 (in port 1). To pick an athlete, click the button to get the club, move the club over the athlete's picture, and click the button to smash his or her head. You'll see the Neanderthal's biography and his or her strength in various events. PLAYING AGAINST THE COMPUTER If you don't have a friend to compete against, you get a computer-controlled opponent. This opponent is for pacing only; your score will always be considered the winning score, even if the computer athlete wins. This enables you to compete for a spot on the Caves of Fame. When you beat the computer in any event, the event ends; you don't have to wait for the computer to finish. UGH-LYMPIAN ADVANTAGES Except for Gronk and Vincent, each athlete has two events that he or she is strong in. Gronk is good at all events and Vincent isn't good at any. (If you're hotter than the average ape-man, try being the talentless Vincent for a challenge. On the other hand, if your skills haven't evolved yet, give yourself a break and be Gronk.) The list below shows each athlete's talents. On the lower left corner of the screen are your options to choose this athlete or to see another. Highlight the option you want and press the joystick button. In an event, an asterisk appears next to the athlete's name if he or she is outstanding in that event. Vincent - Wimp; no advantage in anything Gronk - Stud; advantage in everything Crudla - Saber Race, Dino Vault Glunk - Saber Race, Clubbing Thag - Matetoss, Fire Making Ugha - Dino Race, Fire Making CHOOSING A SPONSOR NAME After you choose an athlete, you need to type in a sponsor name that'll be used to record high scores. Some of the Ugh-lympics' bigger corporate sponsors include: Bashwell Clubs, NiceStink Perfumes, Bzunk's Mammoth Meat, Derk's Stone Jewelry, Smashflat Clubs, and Gerg's Fine Rocks. Press after you type in a name. Choosing Game Options After you select the contestants, you'll see your game options. Highlight the option you want and press the joystick button. PRACTICE Any Ugh-lympian with a gold medal around his or her hairy neck knows that "practice makes perfect" (this, by the way, may have been the first recorded sports quote in history). You can practice any of the six events; just highlight the one you want and click the joystick button. You can practice the event as many times as you want. When you see the prompt RESTART EVENT?, push the joystick up to pick YES or pull it back to pick NO, and then press the joystick button. START THE CAVEMAN UGH-LYMPICS It's the moment you Ugh-lympian has trained for all his or her prehistoric life. The athlete will enter the games and compete in all six events. Press the joystick button if you want to bypass the opening ceremonies. CAVES OF FAME Take a torch-lit stroll through these caves and you'll see the record holders in all of the events except Clubbing. With diligence and training, your Ugh-lympian's mug can grace these walls some day. Press the joystick button to move from cave wall to cave wall. RESTART Takes you back to the NUMBER OF PLAYERS screen. Key Commands [C=] - (Commodore key) Pauses game anywhere. Hit again to resume game. [Q] - Quits the event you're playing. You can choose to restart or quit the event for all players. During the Ugh-lympics, all the athletes will go on to the next event. In Practice mode, you'll return to the Game Options menu. The Events Blorg "Midas Touch" Blorg, trainer to gold medal winners the world over, offers this pre-game inspiration to all you Ugh-lympians: "You not win, you no evolve." Let the games begin. MATE TOSS Many a Neanderthal has gotten misty-eyed recalling the first time he grabbed his "one and only" by the hair and tossed her against the wall. Women have no problems excelling in this sport; said one enthusiastic lady proponent, "Me like him go splat!" After your athlete reaches the circle, press and hold the joystick button and then move the joystick in a circular, counterclockwise direction. When you're at top swiveling speed (shortly after the "speed lines" appear), release the joystick button to toss your mate. During practice, you can abort a toss after you've thrown your mate by pressing the button once the throwee is in the air. Once your mate has landed, you'll get the distance of your toss. Blorg: "Start slow then faster faster. If speed up too fast, stumble back and forth. Spin too long make tired and turn many colors. Not good for throw. Throw up, too." SABER RACE The old saying "The race goes not always to the swiftest, but to those who can avoid being eaten" was probably coined by a participant in this event. Your Neanderthal had better be quick on his feet, since losing the Saber Race can bring new meaning to the phrase "agony of defeat." Nice kitty. To make your athlete run, move the joystick rapidly from left to right. Click the joystick button to make your athlete leap cactus and puddles. The top and bottom screens are connected together. Blorg: "Run too slow not good idea. And not let opponent catch up. He grab you by loincloth, toss you to kitty. Kitty eat you, you out of race. Simple." FIRE MAKING The first and most important step in man's evolution towards a civilized existence was marked by his mastery of the techniques for building fire. The second was when he burned himself. Come relive this evolutionary milestone, and see how it was in "the good ol' days," before cooked meat and forest fires. Blorg: "I tell all Ugh-lympian, 'Fastest fire maker not just get medal. Get more barbecue invitation.' They work more hard to win." As any caveman worth the hair on his feet knows, the way to get a fire started is to rub two sticks together. To accomplish this feat, rapidly move the joystick right and left. As soon as you get the hang of this, the green bar below your athlete will start to increase. Eventually, the color of the bar will turn to red and sparks will start to form. When a few sparks land on your pile of tinder, puff on your pile by quickly and repeatedly pulling your joystick back. When you see smoke, blow on the tinder by pushing the joystick up (to take a deep breath), and then pulling the joystick back (to blow). If your timing is right, your smoldering sparks will burst into flames. Blorg: "Important to breathe. Cannot blow if not breathe. And not blow too fast or make stars over head and hear funny tweeting. Three stars over head mean trouble near. One dizzy caveman. Blow, breathe, blow, breathe. Simple unless you Neanderthal." If your opponent is getting too far ahead, you can impair his progress by whacking his skull with your stick. To do this, press and hold the joystick button. If your opponent is clever enough to do this to you, you can duck his wing by pulling the joystick back when he's about to hit you. CLUBBING The goal of this event is either to force the other player off the clubbing platform or to beat him senseless. There are two parts to this event: the Intimidation Phase and the Clubbing Phase. During the Intimidation Phase, move the joystick as fast as you can in random directions. This makes your caveman flail around wildly. If you can intimidate your opponent, you'll have an edge when the clubbing starts. Blorg: "Yell. Jump. Look mean. Scare opponent. Make BASH BASH BASH better for you." In the Clubbing Phase, bash your opponent until you drain him of all his strength or knock him off the platform. Strength is displayed on the bar graphs above each athlete. To walk towards your opponent, push your joystick towards him. To retreat, push your joystick away from him. To duck, pull the joystick back. Blorg's personal clubbing techniques. Knee Bash:To do a knee bash, pull the joystick back and click the joystick button. Quickly bash your opponent three times in a row to make him hop backwards in pain - and hopefully off the clubbing platform. "Blorg say edge of cliff bad place. Not go near. You not light as feather. You fall to dark place, not blame me." Overhead Smash: Push and hold the joystick up, then click the button. "Good when other guy try to knee bash you. Knock him silly." The Face Bop: Blorg's favorite, click the button while you're standing right next to your opponent. "Blorg say do lots and do fast fast fast. Flat face, good face!" Since your Ugh-lympian barely has the intelligence of the average rodent, it's easy to fake him out. By pressing the joystick button and holding it, you'll point. This causes your adversary to look in that direction, giving you a chance to wallop him. Blorg: "You get bash hard, stars dance on head. You not can bash back. Me suggest you not get hit." DINO RACE Long considered one of the most gruelling and difficult of all the Ugh-lympian events, the Dino Race is sure to separate the men from the chimps. Will your heroic cave-dweller make it to prehistoric fame and glory by successfully navigating the treacherous course and crossing the finish line first? Or will he simply eat dirt and suffer a lifetime of humiliation and disgrace? You decide. "READY ... SET ... UGH!" And you're off to the races on your trusty reptilian steed. Move the joystick to the right to give him the spurs, and keep spurring or your dino will stop. To kick your dino into "turbo" speed, push the joystick up to give your dino a little tap on the head (your dino must be moving for this to work). If the turbo tap works, your dino will take off like a race horse and clear obstacles without your guidance. Once he slows down, you'll have to resume the spurring. Blorg: "Dino have brain of dried pea. Not club too many time or dino get confused. Up to five hit okay. Chance of dino get confused each time hit: hit 1 - 0%; hit 2 - 20%; hit 3 - 40%; hit 4 - 60%; hit 5 - 80%; hit 6 - dino fall down. Dino not go fast on belly." Next comes the tricky part: jumping. This requires a good deal of coordination, something which neither dinosaur nor caveman possess in any great abundance. Press the joystick button to send your mount leaping over obstacles in its path. Blorg: "Must have running start to jump. Dino not want to jump - back up, try again. Do right or eat rock." You can find out who's in the lead by looking under the athlete's name; you'll see the last flag he or she has passed. A skull marks the finish line. DINO VAULT Perhaps one of the most expensive events when it comes to paying the price for failure, dino vaulters have proven themselves either as athletes of steel nerves or zero brains. Dino vaulters don't care if they're sailing over a dinosaur named "Bilious Breath," "Incisor Face" or "Bottomless Pit" - just as long as they sail. Before you vault, you need to set the height of your dinosaur. To make dino taller, push the joystick up. To make it shorter, pull the joystick back. You can set it anywhere between twenty and thirty feet. Once that's done, click the button and you'll move to the starting position. To successfully leap over the dinosaur, you must time your cave dweller's approach precisely. First you have to make a good approach by running in time to the sound of the footsteps. To begin running, push the joystick button. Then move the joystick slowly from left to right and gradually increase speed as the tempo of the footsteps quicken. When you near the edge of the ravine, press and hold the button to plant the pole. Just before the pole is fully extended, release the button and your athlete will - with a little luck and skill - sail over the gaping maw of the dinosaur. Blorg: "Run fast. Plant pole right place. Let go right time. Not all right, you dino delight." Event Scoring Before the days of calculators, cavemen kept score by stacking dinosaur chips for each victory. The athlete with the highest stack and worst smell won. With the new Neanderthal numbering system, the Ugh-lympic committee could at last abandon the dung method. The number of points an Ugh-lympian receives depends on what place he or she finishes. The athlete with the most points at the end of all six events is the jock supreme. Place Finished - Points 1st - 40 2nd - 20 3rd - 10 4th - 5 5th - 2 6th - 1 NOTE: If your player fails to complete the event, he or she won't get any points.